OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
