i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
