is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
