Where did you get a picture of my penis
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
