pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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