i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
