i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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