i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
