On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
