I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
