I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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