Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
