your thong is hanging out like whoa
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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