$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
