We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
