she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You made out with two different species that night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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