hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
