my shit smells like andre
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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