i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
