just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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