All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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