Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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