it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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