i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone shit on the floor
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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