sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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