i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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