i don't like sucking hair
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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