can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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