I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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