you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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