he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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