True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
