What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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