Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
