I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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