her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
