I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
