Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
