I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
