What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
