i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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