just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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