She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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