I think i peed on brittanys purse
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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