I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
