There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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