He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
