Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
