What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
