On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
