We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
