were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
