she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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