I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
