just tell him i said nine months
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
