I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
