So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
