The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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