Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize