Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
