Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
