Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
