He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I donβt think he understands how Social Media works.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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