goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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