Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize