dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
