he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
