I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
