I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
