That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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