i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
40s are totally the cure
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
