remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
