I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
