OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
