the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
